August 7th, 2026
God Bless You !
Im not exactly sure, but im doing better than a month ago.
Ive been taking in information about my mental and spiritual and physical health
Ive been in need of a long sigh for sooo long now
I haven’t really had a actual break since having my first son
We dont family in the area and this season only has one friend
But as momma’s, we’ve both been stretched and havn’t had time really to cath up
Im currently coming out of a motherhood funk…if I will
I dont know where I’ve been, what’s happened or why
Honestly, Im not sure if I know who I am
Its like I’m someone else
Being redone, reknit, repaired . . .
I do miss how things once were, but I don’t know if I’d trade it for who I’m becoming
The current happenings
Oh how I miss my once sharp and elastic brain, but how I’m so thankful for the processes and upgrades this new one has gotten, and still need
All I know is things havn’t been going the way I wanted to but I know it’s all worth it
I’ve been emotionally drowning in my own thoughts
My world has changed, all for the better, but none the less, mind boggling
I’ve recently quit doom-scrolling my phone
It was a daily (necesity) of mine
Careful if it wasnt a minute by minute (need/dangerous desire)
But, through ingesting videos and reels, I realized I wasn’t actually living my life
I was so numb, so lost, so exhausted (from the literal constant interruptions from the boys)
My self love wasnt a though even
The basics was my entire capability and capacity: full tummies, semi restful, and bathed
At least that’s what I remember, it’s almost like I’ve already forgotten, thank the Lord
But i want to remember for the sake of my testimony, giving God ALL of the glory and to be able to relate to others in this oh-so-hard season
It started with listening to videos and posts
Then hearing people’s testimonies when they would fast and how accelerated it would make the process & God
If you’re having a problem – fast, a complicated mess – fast, in need – fast, struggling – fast
The most simple things can sometimes be the most unclenching
I would ask the Lord to wake me up early, maybe have a coffee, anoint myself and my little family, as well as the areas of my body that need healing, begin to provoke His spirit, sing songs of praise, pray and read his word and go about my day. Being sure to focus on him, talk to him more, being closer and more aware
the only difference is I would make sure to intercede over my reason for the fast (eg. my mind) and of course I wouldnt eat, as usual.
But in doing so, I’d gotten in the habit of
Sweeping while I talk the Father
Picking up toys here and there, something I would let accumulate
It’s hard to stop a moving train, another thing I fully received in my overconsumption
I would begin with the littlest of simples : sweeping, easy, just move a stick back and forth
Brushing my teeth, I’ll be honest, sadly wasn’t on my train of thoughts
Doing a “rythm” instead of routine, an anchor
I’ve never been able to stick to a routine, not sure what that even is
But the rhythm, of course with the boys, would consist of straightening the bed, emptying the dehumidifier, brushing our teeth, and getting something to in our bellies
Home school would be next in that rhythm
But I’ve been working my way up and have been applauding myself in my inner-inners.
Even for the simplest (saddest, most obvious) of things
I’ve been doing everything, other than bringing in money, all by myself, and the weight of doing motherhood and marriage alone has consumed my mind and my life
It saddens me to think how I’ve been doing all this time, but I shan’t dwell on this, but rather on Him. On what is good and what He will do.
The Bible says
“ Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ” – Philippians 4:8
Some other verses I’ve been dwelling on in the beginning of this season have been . . .
- Isaiah 53:7 “ He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth; He was led as a lamb to the slaughter, And as a sheep before its shearers is silent, So He opened not His mouth. ”
- Joshua 1:9 “ Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go. ”
- Daniel 3:18 “ But even if he does not, we want you to know, Your Majesty, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up.”
And even though these moment’s
Are never-ending momenting
God is still good and he is still faithfull
I know that season very well & Pray for your reward
That you find him, even here
Where the only thinkable thing is how to get out
He’s waiting and most likely allowed this
Not for you to give up and die
But to get to know him
Cause maybe you weren’t going to do so if it wasn’t like this
And to understand that with Him, and only in Him
Can you truly get up and thrive
“And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness”
– 2 Corinthians 12:9
Amen